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Ted Cherry
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#1 Posted: Fri Jul 9th, 2010 12:51 am |
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DELETED
Last edited on Wed Jul 21st, 2010 08:48 am by Ted Cherry
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Cappuchino
The Capuchin
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#2 Posted: Fri Jul 9th, 2010 03:00 am |
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There is one place I'd caution you to keep tense in line. S2L3 would read better as 'had sat'. If you were quoting there, then I'd say 'has' is fine but you are speaking of the past in the poem and someone has ridden that colt since Jesus, I'm sure.
also, "the ancients HAD foreseen," unless it's only one ancient.
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"We say what we can when we want to speak about the Ineffable One about whom nothing can be said in the proper sense. We must either keep silence or use words in a transformed way."
Isaac of Stella
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Ted Cherry
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#3 Posted: Fri Jul 9th, 2010 07:39 am |
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| Last edited on Wed Jul 21st, 2010 08:50 am by Ted Cherry
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Erthona
~Erthona
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#4 Posted: Fri Jul 9th, 2010 01:27 pm |
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"jerusalem" Jerusalem
Instead of "loose", I would use free in both instances. For me anyway, it causes a bit of a hiccup in the reading.
S3 L3 one foot short.
"The two then entered Bethany; the colt was found"
"The two then entered Bethany, and the colt was found"
To me using "colt" gives a miss-impression, as it was a donkey’s colt, and I think most people tend to think of a young horse when they hear colt, yet most also know that Jesus entered Jerusalem on a white donkey (as seen in the movies) causing a moment of cognitive dissonance. That the donkey was young, and thus a colt (technically) seems a strange thing to emphasis. Yes, I know it says "Rejoice greatly, O daughter of Zion; shout, O daughter of Jerusalem: behold, thy King cometh unto thee: he is just, and having salvation; lowly, and riding upon an ass, and upon a colt the foal of an ass."
What I think people generally remember is "riding upon an ass".
If you are trying to make a point about how accurate Zechariah was, well OK I guess, but it seems a little picky to me. However, considering the references, it seems more of an indictment against Sargon II, than a prophecy of Jesus entering Jerusalem. It seems more likely that knowledge of the verse beforehand was used to set up the scene, rather than a fulfillment of prophecy. It is also strange that nothing else in Zechariah 9, before or after verse 9, alludes to "the Christ" coming into his Kingdom. As this was talking about the Jews being forced out of Ashdod and forced to resettle in Medi after a failed uprising over seven hundred years before Christ, I think it is a pretty far reach. The bottom line is, it just seems an odd thing to write a poem about. I'm not sure I see the point. But then, again, I'm not a Christian.
Dale
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Please do not take my critique too much to heart,
I would offer Coleridge suggestions on his art.
How long after picking up the brush until the first masterpiece?
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Ted Cherry
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#5 Posted: Sat Jul 10th, 2010 12:01 am |
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| Last edited on Wed Jul 21st, 2010 08:49 am by Ted Cherry
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Serah
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#6 Posted: Wed Jul 28th, 2010 01:27 am |
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Rats! I missed this one. 
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