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Reasonrhymer
Poet
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#1 Posted: Sat Jul 10th, 2010 08:36 pm |
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...
Everyone’s An Artist
Used to paint old pictures
of the used to be’s,
lost my art to a fallen cart,
when I, scraped my knees.
Everyone’s an artist,
Everyone’s a star,
Everyone’s got his canvas,
it‘s really who we are.
Used to sing old melodies
running round my mind,
lost my song to a tag along,
you see it, wasn’t me.
Everyone’s a song bird,
singing their own song,
everyone’s got his chorus,
you gotta sing along.
Well it’s been too long now, I’ve sung my song and Wow,
gotta chance to do my dance and I, danced away.
Used to fix old broken parts,
gluein’ them so tight,
lost my shape to a broken fate,
they never fit just right.
Everyone’s a sculpture,
Everyone’s got the clay,
molding life by his own sight,
shape away today.
Well it’s been too long now, I’ve sung my song and wow,
gotta chance to do my dance and I, danced away.
Everyone’s an artist,
Everyone’s a star,
Everyone’s got his canvas,
it‘s really who we are.
Everyone’s an artist,
it’s everything we are,
shape the song, sing along
dance away your way
dance away your way.
geo
..
.
Last edited on Tue Jul 27th, 2010 04:14 am by Reasonrhymer
____________________
When you think you haven’t a choice in life,
“THINK ANOTHER THOUGHT”
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Ted Cherry
Aussie and proud of it
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#2 Posted: Sat Jul 10th, 2010 10:22 pm |
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Another good lyric George, I can feel myself singing along with it, and I love the theme that we are artists of our lives. Sure we are, and good too if we aim at good clean images. Cheers Ted.
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Cappuchino
The Capuchin
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#3 Posted: Sun Jul 11th, 2010 12:56 pm |
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| Nice
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"We say what we can when we want to speak about the Ineffable One about whom nothing can be said in the proper sense. We must either keep silence or use words in a transformed way."
Isaac of Stella
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deistry
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#4 Posted: Mon Jul 12th, 2010 03:10 pm |
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| Wish I could hear the music for this. Nice write.
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rws
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#5 Posted: Mon Jul 12th, 2010 04:59 pm |
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| The sound in my head is mellow and mid-tempo, George. :)
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Erthona
~Erthona
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#6 Posted: Tue Jul 13th, 2010 02:00 pm |
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I pick up the brush and paint masterpiece after masterpiece!
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Please do not take my critique too much to heart,
I would offer Coleridge suggestions on his art.
How long after picking up the brush until the first masterpiece?
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Serah
non-moving avatar
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#7 Posted: Wed Jul 14th, 2010 03:25 am |
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There's a lesson to be learned in these wise words.
Nice song, very nice. Sing it to us.....I know there's a place on here to record your music/ songs/ poems. 
One little pick, if I may....I believe it should be "used" to.....
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Reasonrhymer
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#8 Posted: Thu Jul 15th, 2010 01:29 am |
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Thanks everyone.
Serah, I started out with "Used to be's" but I didn't like it. I checked out a few on line songs and poems and it seems like it is about 50/50 on the useage/usedage.
george
____________________
When you think you haven’t a choice in life,
“THINK ANOTHER THOUGHT”
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Serah
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#9 Posted: Thu Jul 15th, 2010 03:31 am |
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Oh, ok, George, because, I used to use "use to" also, till somebody told me that was wrong, it's "used to". hmmm?
Anyhoos...... 
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rws
Poet
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#10 Posted: Thu Jul 15th, 2010 10:21 am |
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"Used to" is more useful than "use" when you describe what was. For example:
"i used to be an intense poet but now it makes me tired."
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Ben Gunn
Vestri visio, meus tergum.
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#11 Posted: Fri Jul 16th, 2010 12:08 am |
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Used to fix old broken parts,
gluein’ them so tight,
lost my shape to a broken fate,
they never fit just right.
I love that verse.
Excellent, apart from some of the gaps, was that a matter of censorship or are they genuinely just spaces within the piece?
Shows where my gutter mind dwells, eh?
BG160710
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"Whoever lays his hand on me to govern me is a usurper and tyrant, and I declare him my enemy." Proudin 1849.
"No offense, Ben, but you seem to be born for martyrdom via hard lessons learned in hindsight."
rws 2010
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Ben Gunn
Vestri visio, meus tergum.
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#12 Posted: Fri Jul 16th, 2010 12:09 am |
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I took the use to/used to as poetic license...it doesn't hurt nor detract from the piece at all...
BG 160710
____________________
"Whoever lays his hand on me to govern me is a usurper and tyrant, and I declare him my enemy." Proudin 1849.
"No offense, Ben, but you seem to be born for martyrdom via hard lessons learned in hindsight."
rws 2010
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Ben Gunn
Vestri visio, meus tergum.
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#13 Posted: Sat Jul 17th, 2010 11:38 pm |
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Where the gaps personal censorship? It's kind of, (upon 4th reading) distracting, but as anyone who's read even one of my nursery rhymes I can handle a curse or three in me writin'...
BG180710
____________________
"Whoever lays his hand on me to govern me is a usurper and tyrant, and I declare him my enemy." Proudin 1849.
"No offense, Ben, but you seem to be born for martyrdom via hard lessons learned in hindsight."
rws 2010
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Erthona
~Erthona
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#14 Posted: Tue Jul 20th, 2010 10:51 pm |
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Used to, is past tense (as Bill pointed out).
Use to, is to become inured to.
I used to have a girlfriend who I thought was purposefully cruel,
but as I have become use to her, she seems only a sadistic fool!
Although it does not bother Ben (although I am not slamming his tolerance), there are certain agreed upon usages of words.
To use a word incorrectly creates ambiguity at the least, and lack of clarity and confusion, thus nonsense at the worst. This is a factual problem, not a matter of preference or taste. Incorrect usage is not rational; to not strive for clarity in one's writing is self-defeating, regardless of whether it bothers someone or not. It is often little things such as this that ruins an otherwise decent poem, as it causes a hiccup in the reading, and distracts the reader from being fully immersed in the writing.
Dale
____________________
Please do not take my critique too much to heart,
I would offer Coleridge suggestions on his art.
How long after picking up the brush until the first masterpiece?
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Reasonrhymer
Poet
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#15 Posted: Tue Jul 27th, 2010 04:17 am |
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I hate to admit it, but I think you are right Dale, so I edited it, My hopes are now Dale "you can fully immerse yourself in the writing." Because after all "Everyones an Artist."
geo
____________________
When you think you haven’t a choice in life,
“THINK ANOTHER THOUGHT”
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Serah
non-moving avatar
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#16 Posted: Wed Jul 28th, 2010 12:41 am |
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Ahhhh, perfect, Geo!
Just what this workshop is all about...people helping people to get it write, I mean right!
To write, right!
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